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Because not all men are alike, the plan to win them back shouldn't be the same, either! 

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why women cheat
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Getting To Commitment Mr. Steven Carter's great insights into relationship dynamics are presented here in an easy-to-understand language, and without overdoing the psychological perspectives. Many commitment questions are answered here in this book. A must read for anyone afflicted with commitment issues or involved with someone who is.

He's Scared, She's Scared Available for the first time in paperback, this follow-up to the phenomenally successful Men Who Can't Love tackles the issue of commitmentphobia, that persistent obstacle to truly satisfying contemporary relationships. Authors Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol explore why modern men and women are torn between the desire for intimacy and the equally intense need for independence. Drawing on numerous interviews and real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom gained by personal experience, He's Scared, She's Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine, sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.

Men Who Can't Love This book saved me from going crazy and from wasting any more of my precious time with a man who is a consumate commitmentphobic. I got this book after a therapist friend of mine said that all my complaining and moaning about my commitmentphobic boyfriend sounded just like the people in this book she'd read - "Men Who Can't Love". I got on line and nabbed a copy. What a life saver! My jaw dropped as I read this book because it describes the behaviors of commitmentphobics precisely as I have been experiencing my boyfriend's behavior. It's so true that the more I pressed him for answers while trying to understand his avoidant behaviors, the more he withdrew from me. "I don't wanna talk about it" is his mantra. All his behaviors were laid out like his biography in this book. It was shocking and revealing at the same time.

I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality This is a great book for an inside look at Borderline Personality Disorder. If you have a person with BPD in life this book is a must have. If you have BPD it will help you understand that some of your behaviors that seem unusual to other are understandable and can be explained and treated.

Codependent, Codependency, and Codependence Articles, Poems, and More!

NOTE: The Daily Quote and Daily Prayer will be down indefinitely while we update the site.

Today's Quote: October 19 (Repost from the Breakup Forum)

"I am finally starting to allow myself to feel happiness, and I don't know how to handle it that well. So in some ways, since I have been unhappy for so long (so lonely for interaction and companionship) I have to learn how to deal with happiness all over.

Funny, that I have read so much and done so much to manage my sadness that I have overlooked the concept of managing happiness too. And all emotions have to be managed, or else they become obsessive.

So today, I am working on managing my happiness, which is a very different process than managing sadness. Does anybody have any suggestions for me on how to manage my new found happiness?"~N.R. Davis

Quote for October 17

For those of us who 'think', we just 'are' - and that's all we will ever be. For those of us who do, will live.~Tigress

Prayer for October 17

Just For Today

Just for today I will stop my 'thinking' and put 'action' to my thoughts. Just for today I will create an outcome to just one of my dreams, by initiating and undertaking something I have wanted to do for a long time. I will come to realize that there is no time like the present to bring life to my dreams.

Just for today I will come down from my clouds and be a 'doer'. ~Tigress

Quote for October 16

"Let me live my life as I want, for at its end it is I who is the one that must die."
~Tigress

Prayer for October 16

Just For Today

Just for today I will stop and reflect upon my youth. I will recall how, as a child, my dreams were never too far from my thoughts. As I aged I somehow lost the ability to dream, and sadly replaced the hard facts of reality for my 'enchanted dreamland'. Today I will recall all my childhood dreams of awe and wonder, and see how my life still holds many beautiful dreams yet to come.

Just for today I will dream of lightness and gaiety, and embrace each dream with awe and wonder.~Tigress 

Quote for October 11

"That's what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we've changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning."~ Richard Bach, note written by Richard Bach, The Bridge Across Forever

Prayer for October 11

Just for Today

Today I'll look at my health and see if maybe I have put my physical well-being in the background. Sometimes our emotional self is louder than our physical self and we tend to skip our physical wellness. Today I'll realize that if I wait to hear my physical self cry for attention, it may be too late.

Just for today I'll take the time to get healthier habits. I'll eat better foods, and make sure my body gets the rest it needs. Today I'll park just a few spaces  farther away, and forgo just one self-destructive habit. Before I know it, I might be surprised to see that all these small steps have taken me to a healthier, happier emotional me, too.~Tigress

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October 10

In loving memory of Sara's mother and my father. Happy birthday, Dad! I don't know if they celebrate birthdays there in Heaven, but you are remembered today with a very special prayer. ~Your daughter

October 9

Today I forgo my daily quote and prayer. Today I will bow my head in silent and sad goodbye as I remember a very special woman, Roberta (Bobbi) Kain, who passed away Thursday, October 5. Bobbi, may you find that special angel that you sought.~In sad love, Kimber

Quote for October 5

(Today's quote and prayer goes out to Sara of the Circle of Hope. Sara, our thoughts and prayers are with you, and your Mother.)

My special place. It's a place no amount of hurt and anger can deface. I put things back together there. It all falls right in place - In my special space. My special place. ~Joni Mitchell

Prayer for October 5

Just for Today

Just for today I will make my very own special place. Whether it be in my heart, in my mind, or in my home. A sanctuary where I can go and visit 'me', away from the world outside. A place that exists only to embrace me. A space set aside, from all that abides. My space can be chiseled out of a forest bed, carved out of a golden meadow, or gently echoed in my heart. See, that I have a space is not for you, but for me.

Just for today I will find my own sanctuary, and park my troubles outside its door to wait for me to retrieve them, when I return from. My place.~Tigress

Quote for October 4

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.~Helen Keller

Prayer for October 4

Just for Today

People are as happy as they chose to be. If I stop and think about it there are so many ways I can find happiness today, regardless of what may be happening in my life right now. My attitude toward my day determines how much happiness can be found from this day. 

Today I'll stop blaming others for whether I'm happy or not, and see that I, and I alone, am responsible for my attitude and the decisions I make toward my own personal happiness. Today I'll stop being sad that roses have thorns and start rejoicing that thorns come with roses.~Tigress

Quote for October 3 (Note: October 3 Quote and Prayer dedicated to Donna of the Circle of Hope.)

For Donna: {{{{{Donna}}}}}

Life is full of little mysteries and pleasant surprises, if we just allow them to happen. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to just lie back in the boat of life, and enjoy the serene, gentle rocking motion as the waves take us to where we are destined to land. ~Tigress

Prayer for October 3

Just for Today

Just for Today I will let go and let life lead me where it may. I will stop trying to control my destiny and realize that only in letting go of my controlling ways can I be truly free to accept things that come my way, and find the peace and tranquility that comes with such acceptance.

Just for today I will let the day take me where it may.~Tigress

(NOTE: The Daily Quote and Prayer will be down for four days. See you October 3! Have a wonderful weekend.)

Quote for September 29

Creativity can solve almost any problem. The creative act, the defeat of habit by originality, overcomes everything. ~ George Lois

Prayer for September 29

Just for Today

My feelings are too important to have them damaged by other's imposed opinions.

Today if someone does something that triggers hurtful feelings in me, I'll try to understand their motives as best I can, by communicating with them. Today I'll tell myself that I'd rather have my feelings based on truth, and not on my ego's sensitive guesses.

The more I take the time to understand other's motives, the less likely I am to come to incorrect or bitter conclusions.~Tigress

Quote for September 28

At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self. - Brendan Francis

Prayer for September 28

Just for Today

No matter what happens in my day, I'll try to remember that nothing last forever. If some good should come of my day I will embrace the joy close to my heart and feel its glory. If some bad should come of my day, I'll try to let it slide right by me and remember that, "this, too, shall pass".

Today, before acting on temptation I'll stop and think first, and avoid doing something I might later regret. I'll find healthy alternatives to bad emotions. I'll touch another life in a positive way.

Today I'll try to remember that this day is just for me, and I will never have the opportunity again to shape this day into one that will be forever a beautiful memory.~Tigress

Quote for September 27

We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full.- Marcel Prous

Prayer for September 27

Just for Today

Today I'll try to find just one gift that has come out of my painful experience, and see if that gift can help me find new ways of loving myself, and new insights into future happiness. Sometimes, we thank God for unanswered prayers. Upon searching in my past, I find that many of my bad experiences have actually contained miracles in disguise.

Today I'll try to focus on the fact that the worst thing that ever happened to me, may be the best thing that ever happened to me.~~Tigress

Quote for September 26

If you want to make God laugh, tell him you have plans. - Sister Emerita

Prayer for September 26

Just for Today

Today I'll take a closer look at the qualities I admired about my ex. Today I'll try to develop those same qualities in myself.

Today I will see that, if I admire another person for who they are, that I, too, can become the same. I have the ability within me, right now, at this moment, to be and do anything I want. I can become my own dream.~~Tigress

Quote for September 25

You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it. - William Schwenck Gilbert

Prayer for September 25

Just for Today

If I've been blaming poor choices of mates for my failed relationships, I'll ask myself whether these choices were mine, or choices thrust upon me?

Today I'll take the time to see how my poor choices may be a reflection of my own low self-esteem.

Today I will not judge myself harshly, nor condemn myself, for my past choices - but simply gain from this new insight that I am a good person, worthy of love and respect. Today I have learned to be more selective in future mates.~~Tigress

Quote for September 23

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. ~Mother Teresa

Prayer for September 23

Just for Today

Today I'll start 'seeing' by inner reflection. Today I will fully see all my bad habits and negative attitudes, and search hard within myself for a way to understand and 'fix' what I don't like. I will acknowledge that my negativities are merely signs of unseen difficulties inside me. By changing myself, I change those around me.

Today I will see that the only true time I can change another is when I have created change in myself.~Tigress

Quote for September 22

You shall have joy, or you shall have power, said God; you shall not have both. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Prayer for September 22

Just for Today.

Today I will ask myself why I keep waiting for happiness to come my way, in the same way I might wait for me to get the winning lottery ticket?

When I find myself unhappy, it's time for me to define my unhappiness. Do I see having happiness as being in a relationship? Or having a beautiful home? Or an adoring partner and perfect children? Do I define my happiness only as a dream of some particular place or time in the future?

Today I will stop waiting for happiness to come to me. Today I will see that this day is my future and that I need to stop expecting my happiness to come in the form of a 'dream come true'. Dreams are just dreams, reality always shows me that the real world is far from my dreams. Today I will be happy for having today.~Tigress

Quote for September 21

When women go wrong, men go right after them. ~ Mae West

Prayer for September 21

Just for Today

Today I'll take special time to appreciate the precious moments that come my way during the next 24 hours. I'll try to let go of my problems and rediscover the things that bring me good feelings inside - embracing dear friends, watching the peaceful sunset, a serene nature-walk, offering some kind words of encouragement to another.

Maybe I don't need a certain thing, or person, in my life to feel happiness and contentment. Maybe all I need to do is to gain a new outlook that will help me unwrap the special gifts that come my way every day.~~Tigress

Quote for September 20

I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me.~-Dudley Field Malone

Prayer for September 20

Just for Today

If rejection has hurt me today, it is because I believe I am deserving of rejection. Today I will see how, in my past, rejection has taught me to inner-reflect and self-improve. I will value only the rejection that benefits me, and throw the rest out.

Today I will see that rejection only hurts if I put truth to the cause, or value the source of the rejection. Today I will opt to reject rejection. It is not a gift, I do not have to accept it.~Tigress

Quote for September 19

No man or woman is worth all of your tears..and the only one who is will not make you cry.~Mel (from the Circle of Hope)

Prayer for September 19

Just for Today

When I feel overwhelmed by the grief of my heartache I will stop and look at all the beauty that surrounds me. I will look to this beauty and find some peace and quiet, cradled in the arms of God's splendor. I will see the beauty in my friends and family members, in the vast blue spans of the sea, and the majestic violets and plums of the mountains.

Just for today I will feel the soft breeze as it caresses my face, and I will remember to be thankful for all the gifts that I do have.~Tigress

Quote for September 18

Everything has a crack in it -- that's how the light gets in.~Leonard Cohen

Prayer for September 18

Just for Today

Today I'll take more responsibility for my own happiness, and stop looking toward another to 'fix' me. I'll take the time to inner-reflect and acknowledge that only I can change my life, my outlook, my courses. Upon my inner-reflection, I'll pause just long enough to understand how my own 'attitude' toward the events in my life is what feeds them either sorrow, or joy. I make my own choices and decisions on how I choose to see things, and it is in these 'attitude-choices' that I am ultimately effected.~Tigress

Quote for September 15

The bus bringeth and the bus taketh away. You know, that's a lot like life.~~Floyd Lawson, The Andy Griffith Show

Daily Prayer for September 15

Just for Today

Today, I'll look at the way I feel unloved or uncared for as a result of my breakup, and see if I've been rejecting myself even more than I think they did.

The more I believe that I am worthy of love and care, the less likely I will be to believe that my entire existence was based on the acceptance or rejection of one other person.~~Tigress

Quote for September 14

Remember to dream ...
but not to hold that dream too close to you.
In order to be, your dream needs to be set free,
so let it go -- and make it come true!~~Tigress

Daily Prayer for September 14

Just for Today

If I've been stuck in my past -- afraid of moving on , or seeking 'change' in my life -- I'll ask myself, 'why am I scared?' 'what is it I'm so afraid of?' Is it because clinging on to what is 'known' to me represents security, and the 'unknown' represents risk? If I have fear of 'change' I have to remember to inner-reflect and see how in my past 'change' has always meant betterment and not losing.

Today I'll try to remember that often taking risks and venturing into the unknown is what brought me to many wonderful places in my past life. When I no longer fear risks, when I see change through eager anticipation, I give control back to me. I am no longer afraid but avidly looking forward to what new adventures my life may hold.~~Tigress

Quote for September 13

The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is.~~Lenny Bruce

Daily Prayer for September 13

Just for Today

Today I'll stop seeking my happiness as that of something that only another can give me. Today I'll start looking for happiness in another direction - and that is by loving and accepting myself more. Today I am perfectly happy in holding my own hand, as I am my new best friend. Today I learn that only I can bring the sun up in my morning.

Just for today I will embrace myself, with all the rapture of a maternal love.Today I will cradle my inner child, and rock its fears away.~~Tigress

Quote for September 12

Romance and work are great diversions to keep you from dealing with yourself.~~Cher

Prayer for September 12

Just for Today

Today I'll remind myself that I am only human. I have the right to make mistakes, as I am human and without perfection. The natural consequences of my errors are today's lessons to ensure my share of more harmonious tomorrows. Today I will remind myself that no lesson is learned in hiding from the fact that I am imperfect, or denying the fact that so is everyone else.~~Tigress

Quote for September 11

The present is burdened too much with the past. We have not time, in our earthly existence, to appreciate what is warm with life, and immediately around us.~~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Prayer for September 11

Just for Today

Today I'll remind myself that other's advice can hold merit. Today I will take the time to listen and benefit from my friends', and family's, insight. Today I will admit that at times it's difficult to see things impartially when my emotions are clouding up my thinking. It isn't that my opinions do not matter; the truth is simply that I haven't the ability to see my grief any way but through my tears.

Today I will allow my loved ones to offer me advice, and today I will look at it -- not through my biased heart -- but through my open mind.

Quote for September 10

Death is not the greatest loss of life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.~~Norman Palmerston

Prayer for September 10

Just for Today

Allowing myself to be continually hurt by someone's actions is not a healthy part of loving someone. There is a fine line between "healthy, loving commitment" and "toxic attachment". Only I have control over my choice to live my life in happiness, or in my own misery. No one can create my own Heaven and Hell. Only I have the option over denying or accepting it to be.

Today I'll stop denying the truth if abuse is happening in my life, and begin taking responsibility for the choices I make. ~~Tigress

For more help recovering from a Codependency-Breakup read the book How to Get Over a Breakup

The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up The essential female companion from the first moment he walks out of your life! The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up offers step-by-step advice for getting over him.

The Hell with Love: Poems to Mend a Broken Heart Finally a book of poetry that describes every emotion you go through when you are in love and heart broken. This book is amazing and wonderful. I recommend it to who ever loves poetry and ever had a broken heart.

He's Just Not That Into You (The Newly Expanded Edition): The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys It seems like everywhere you turn the phrase "He's just not that into you" is being thrown around. And for good reason! The ladies are finally done waiting by the phone - hey, why sit at home for the phone to ring when it's so obvious that he's just not that into you?

Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: What Makes Men Want to Commit? In easy psychological terms, this book helps a woman understand why a man may react negatively to her even when she feels she's doing everything right for a relationship. With different female personalities portrayed, the reader will find themselves fitting one or more of the profiles.

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